Loyal by William Matthews

POEM

They gave him an overdose
of anesthetic, and its fog
shut down his heart in seconds.
I tried to hold him, but he was
somewhere else. For so much love
one of the principals is missing,
it's no wonder we confuse love
with longing. Oh I was thick
with both. I wanted my dog
to live forever and while I was
working on impossibilities
I wanted to live forever, too.
I wanted company and to be alone.
I wanted to know how they trash
a stiff ninety-five-pound dog
and I paid them to do it
and not tell me. What else?
I wanted a letter of apology
delivered by decrepit hand,
by someone shattered for each time
I'd had to eat pure pain. I wanted
to weep, not "like a baby,"
in gulps and breath-stretching
howls, but steadily, like an adult,
according to the fiction
that there is work to be done,
and almost inconsolably.


REFLECTION:

When I first read this poem, I was taken aback by the strong choice of wording and the fact that the situation is extremely relatable. I think the meaning of this poem is that one may want something that is for the best of someone else or a companion. However, this is not always the realistic or possible way to overcome these scenarios. It is a common goal to desire to be loyal towards others, but when the outcome is uncontrollable, in this case the pet had to be put to sleep, there are always going to be regrets. One is always going to continuously think about what they want to happen, rather than what actually had happened, and what is happening. It may also be difficult to get through situations that one definitely does not want to take place, but loyalty is what helps that person get through it. The poet puts their point across by repeating the phrase, “I wanted”. Also, the fact that there is no definite pattern of punctuation makes the reader feel like they are reading a story, rather than a rhythmic poem.